I just wanted to thank Edgar for posting the pictures and to let everyone know that me having crossed eyes was just a joke and not my normal appearance now, the broken front tooth however is not a joke and something that I need to have fixed at some point. That's all for now.
Liam
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Saturday, May 16, 2009
After Liam posted his looooooooong post (which I read all the way through), we all went out to support our local pub. May 14th was the release of Bob's Brown Ale from the Georgetown Brewery. Every year, the brewery makes a limited quantity of Bob's and gives all the profit to the Ronald McDonald House in memory of Manny's friend Bob (who passed away from cancer). This event happens every year and we all go and drink and feel better about ourselves for getting drunk for a good cause - but this year was different. This year May 14th had a different flavor to it. May 14th, 2009 was the day that Liam drank his first beer (whole beer) since February! It is so great to see Liam doing so well - the docs told him no booze for a whole year, but then loosened up due to his quick progress. I snapped a few picture for you all to enjoy (as much as you can enjoy looking at pictures of mediocre looking men).
Brown Beer is Good.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Liam's first post
I’m sorry for the delay in adding to this posting. Things have been pretty hectic since coming home. I have been meaning to write on this blog since then but have only recently felt that I had the energy and skill required. I have started to use this blog as a personal journal and this is my latest entry. It has been very beneficial for me to write down all my thoughts, so this posting is more for me than any of you. So I apologize in advance for the length of this posting, feel free to not read as much as you like, I will only hold it against you for a little while because if you tell me that you have only read half of it, chances are that I will forget pretty quickly.
I’ll start with how things are going. Things seem to be progressing well although I’ve had some small setbacks along the way. Recently I have been getting an odd feeling in my left hand. It feels like pins and needles as if I have been sitting on my hand and there is no blood getting to it. The thinking from all of my medical people is that my shoulder is not working properly and that the ball part of my arm is not quite fitting properly into the socket part of my shoulder. This could be pinching a blood line or possibly a nerve. The thought is that this should go away by itself over time. The interesting thing is that my therapists have told me that this feeling can actually be a good sign in some cases. Apparently, when you have lost feeling in a limb this can be the first sensation that you get as things are getting better, so it could be a good sign. The only problem is that I never lost any feeling in my left hand so the doctors don’t really know what is going on. I guess this is part of what my doctors have been telling me, that there is no “normal” brain injury, everyone is different. This is why the doctors have never been able to tell me any odds that I have about anything, because every brain and brain injury recovery is different. It can be a little frustrating because when I ask when I will be able to go back to work or be normal they have no good answer and always say something like “Let’s wait and see how it goes.”
I had a recent development with my math skills. About a week and a half ago I took a very simple math test with no calculator allowed in my occupational therapy. When I first looked at the problem I had no idea how to progress and was just guessing and checking. Eventually my therapist came to talk me through it. However, even though I knew how to do it, I still really messed up and got the problems wrong. I think some of this can be explained by simple math errors, everyone does that every now and then. This had me pretty down and concerned as so much of my life revolves around being able to be good with numbers. The good news is that last week in occupational therapy I had the same exam and this time I got everything right. I felt very relieved with this. It just goes to show that ups and downs are to be expected and how quickly they can happen.
Another recent incident was that I had a small fall. I was bending down pretty low and I lost my balance. I let myself fall over because I have always heard that people usually hurt their limbs when trying to stop themselves from falling. Also, I was only a couple of inches off the ground and my bum was falling on to a padded carpet so I only feel a couple of inches and didn’t hit my head on anything. I didn’t tell Erika immediately because I didn’t want her to worry. I figured that she has done enough worrying over the last couple of months. I did tell my doctor and he said, “I will tell you what I tall all my patients and that is that adults don’t fall over.” I beg to differ, Erika is quite clumsy.
Recently my physical therapist told me that I could start pushing myself harder by doing some pretty demanding exercises. Until now all my physical therapy has been designed around me regaining my balance. Now that my balance appears to be getting back on track I can now focus on regaining my strength. It is pretty cool, for the first time I feel that I am doing exercises similar to ones that I would have done before the injury, complete with the leg burn.
I have learned recently of some interesting mental problems that I am facing. When I first started outpatient therapy I must have been asked a dozen times by different doctors if I felt any depression or anger. I kept telling them no but began to worry that maybe I should start feeling depressed. I felt no anger or depression before starting out patient therapy then inexplicably I had two separate instances of just felling really down and one weird instance of feeling angry. It was really odd, I woke one morning feeling fine then when I got in the shower I suddenly got very angry. I don’t really know what I was angry about, just angry at the world and maybe partly angry about my predicament. But then I went downstairs and started talking to a couple of friends who were here and as quickly as the anger materialized, it disappeared. Just having friends around to talk to relieved the situation. Apparently, sudden mood changes are something that is very common for brain injury patients.
Another interesting mental development is my current lack of judgment when talking to people. The way it was described to me is that everyone has a filter that helps them determine if something is appropriate to say at a given time. Apparently my filter is in need of some work right now so I may say inappropriate things sometimes. I feel that I have become pretty aware of this problem so, with a little concentration and thought I am able to avoid too many problems. One of my therapists told me that she also felt that I am a pretty self-aware person, given my injury. She said that being self-aware with moderate brain injury is better than not being self-aware with a mild brain injury as far as long term development and growth is concerned. That was very encouraging to hear.
Another interesting development that I have had and that is common to many brain injury patients is a change in impulsivity. Apparently I am now much more likely to impulsively change the conversation when talking to someone leaving them confused and me looking odd. I have not been conscious of this so far but have made a mental commitment to look out for this in the future. I have been told by my occupational therapist that playing video games is good for me because I use both hands at once while thinking about something else. So I was just keeping up with doctor’s orders when I was playing video games with Joel one day when all of a sudden I put down my controller, got up and started vacuuming without saying a word to Joel. Joel asked me what I was doing and I rather curtly said, “Vacuuming, obviously.” We didn’t know at the time that this was a symptom of the brain injury but he was able to recognize that it seemed odd even though I didn’t. My speech therapist recently asked me if I had noticed any signs of impulsivity. When I told her this story she just laughed at me for being such an avid vacuumer. By the way, a “speech therapist” is the new politically correct term for a mental or psychological doctor.
I would like to thank everyone for posting messages on this blog. I know what a great job everyone did on my blog but I will thank you all to stop telling me what a good job you think Joel did on his postings, it is hard enough to keep his ego in check as it is. So far, I have told him that only one person has mentioned his postings, I want him to be able to fit through the door with his big ego, after all, I need him to take me to outpatient therapy still. This may seem a little rude to Joel but I want him to know that I am the same person I have always been, so I have to get in a little jab at him.
Now that I have given you a little update I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone. I have no doubt that everyone, even those who have just thought about me helped saved my life. I am absolutely convinced that even in my darkest hour my brain on some level was able to recognize all the good friends that I had around and wanted to get better in order to give me more opportunities to talk to all of these good people. At one point a nurse told Erika about the things I needed in order to get better. She told Erika that I was young, healthy, had never been a smoker, and most importantly that I had a good support system. She said that these are the things that every patient who gets better has.
I would like to take some time to mention that I in no way hold soccer(football for those outside the U.S.) responsible for my injury. It is my hope that everyone learns to love it as much as I do. It would be easy to blame soccer for my injury but soccer has taught me so much that has helped me in my recovery. Soccer has taught me how to be positive, how to work hard in the face of adversity and how to break through seemingly impossible barriers. Not even mentioning all the good people it has allowed me to make friends of. Soccer is the perfect analogy for life in so many ways. You can get better at it by working hard and learning. No matter how good you are, there are times that you need some help from your teammates and I am lucky enough to have some of the best around. Even though it may seem tough and you may be losing, there is always something to be learned. When you get fouled, even if it is not fair, you need to get back up and keep playing.
Go Chelsea!
On a final note, I have decided to use this injury as an opportunity to learn and grow.
I look at it as though there was pre-injury Liam who is now replaced with post-injury Liam. Post-injury Liam is committed to trying how to learn how to be a better person, just for Jonah who expressed some sadness when he asked how I was doing and was told that it looked like I was going to be the same person. His response was, “Oh, so he’s not going to get any better?” Well Jonah, this is for you and from now on shut your trap.
One thing that I have learned so far is that there are always positive occurrences even in negative developments. Some of the good that I have taken comes from a story that my Dad told me. He said that when he was in the hospital he had met a medical team member who was having a bit of a crisis of conscience and was unsure if she wanted to stay in the medical profession. She told my Dad that after seeing my case and the positive way it turned out and how many friends were pulling for me that she had decided to stay and become a doctor. I just thought it was very cool that even though I was unable to talk I was able to help someone with a life decision.
Another positive development is that I feel as though I have had a midlife crisis (although I doubt that 29 is the middle of my life) and can now see the world in a more clear light. In our society it is so easy to become wrapped up in really inconsequential things. I feel very lucky to be reminded that the character of one’s life cannot be judged by possessions but instead by the company one keeps.
Another one of the positive developments was to be reminded of all of my great friendships, including being reminded of the high school friends that still think of me. It is too easy to forget how fortunate I am to have known such a high caliber of people but from now on I promise to do my best not to forget that. This leads me to one of the things about myself that I would like to change and that is not to take any of the people in my life for granted.
Since I am trying to change things in my life, I thought of one last thing you could do for me is try to use my injury as an opportunity to change something in your life that you have always wanted to and to let me know.
And finally the best positive development is that I am going to get to learn how to ride a motorcycle again. Most people don’t even learn the thrill of a motorcycle once but I get that thrill twice in my life. I had ordered a new seat before I got injured but it just arrived last week. Joel helped me put it on the bike and I am so excited to try it out.
I wish the best to everyone reading this and thanks again.
All the best,
Liam
I’ll start with how things are going. Things seem to be progressing well although I’ve had some small setbacks along the way. Recently I have been getting an odd feeling in my left hand. It feels like pins and needles as if I have been sitting on my hand and there is no blood getting to it. The thinking from all of my medical people is that my shoulder is not working properly and that the ball part of my arm is not quite fitting properly into the socket part of my shoulder. This could be pinching a blood line or possibly a nerve. The thought is that this should go away by itself over time. The interesting thing is that my therapists have told me that this feeling can actually be a good sign in some cases. Apparently, when you have lost feeling in a limb this can be the first sensation that you get as things are getting better, so it could be a good sign. The only problem is that I never lost any feeling in my left hand so the doctors don’t really know what is going on. I guess this is part of what my doctors have been telling me, that there is no “normal” brain injury, everyone is different. This is why the doctors have never been able to tell me any odds that I have about anything, because every brain and brain injury recovery is different. It can be a little frustrating because when I ask when I will be able to go back to work or be normal they have no good answer and always say something like “Let’s wait and see how it goes.”
I had a recent development with my math skills. About a week and a half ago I took a very simple math test with no calculator allowed in my occupational therapy. When I first looked at the problem I had no idea how to progress and was just guessing and checking. Eventually my therapist came to talk me through it. However, even though I knew how to do it, I still really messed up and got the problems wrong. I think some of this can be explained by simple math errors, everyone does that every now and then. This had me pretty down and concerned as so much of my life revolves around being able to be good with numbers. The good news is that last week in occupational therapy I had the same exam and this time I got everything right. I felt very relieved with this. It just goes to show that ups and downs are to be expected and how quickly they can happen.
Another recent incident was that I had a small fall. I was bending down pretty low and I lost my balance. I let myself fall over because I have always heard that people usually hurt their limbs when trying to stop themselves from falling. Also, I was only a couple of inches off the ground and my bum was falling on to a padded carpet so I only feel a couple of inches and didn’t hit my head on anything. I didn’t tell Erika immediately because I didn’t want her to worry. I figured that she has done enough worrying over the last couple of months. I did tell my doctor and he said, “I will tell you what I tall all my patients and that is that adults don’t fall over.” I beg to differ, Erika is quite clumsy.
Recently my physical therapist told me that I could start pushing myself harder by doing some pretty demanding exercises. Until now all my physical therapy has been designed around me regaining my balance. Now that my balance appears to be getting back on track I can now focus on regaining my strength. It is pretty cool, for the first time I feel that I am doing exercises similar to ones that I would have done before the injury, complete with the leg burn.
I have learned recently of some interesting mental problems that I am facing. When I first started outpatient therapy I must have been asked a dozen times by different doctors if I felt any depression or anger. I kept telling them no but began to worry that maybe I should start feeling depressed. I felt no anger or depression before starting out patient therapy then inexplicably I had two separate instances of just felling really down and one weird instance of feeling angry. It was really odd, I woke one morning feeling fine then when I got in the shower I suddenly got very angry. I don’t really know what I was angry about, just angry at the world and maybe partly angry about my predicament. But then I went downstairs and started talking to a couple of friends who were here and as quickly as the anger materialized, it disappeared. Just having friends around to talk to relieved the situation. Apparently, sudden mood changes are something that is very common for brain injury patients.
Another interesting mental development is my current lack of judgment when talking to people. The way it was described to me is that everyone has a filter that helps them determine if something is appropriate to say at a given time. Apparently my filter is in need of some work right now so I may say inappropriate things sometimes. I feel that I have become pretty aware of this problem so, with a little concentration and thought I am able to avoid too many problems. One of my therapists told me that she also felt that I am a pretty self-aware person, given my injury. She said that being self-aware with moderate brain injury is better than not being self-aware with a mild brain injury as far as long term development and growth is concerned. That was very encouraging to hear.
Another interesting development that I have had and that is common to many brain injury patients is a change in impulsivity. Apparently I am now much more likely to impulsively change the conversation when talking to someone leaving them confused and me looking odd. I have not been conscious of this so far but have made a mental commitment to look out for this in the future. I have been told by my occupational therapist that playing video games is good for me because I use both hands at once while thinking about something else. So I was just keeping up with doctor’s orders when I was playing video games with Joel one day when all of a sudden I put down my controller, got up and started vacuuming without saying a word to Joel. Joel asked me what I was doing and I rather curtly said, “Vacuuming, obviously.” We didn’t know at the time that this was a symptom of the brain injury but he was able to recognize that it seemed odd even though I didn’t. My speech therapist recently asked me if I had noticed any signs of impulsivity. When I told her this story she just laughed at me for being such an avid vacuumer. By the way, a “speech therapist” is the new politically correct term for a mental or psychological doctor.
I would like to thank everyone for posting messages on this blog. I know what a great job everyone did on my blog but I will thank you all to stop telling me what a good job you think Joel did on his postings, it is hard enough to keep his ego in check as it is. So far, I have told him that only one person has mentioned his postings, I want him to be able to fit through the door with his big ego, after all, I need him to take me to outpatient therapy still. This may seem a little rude to Joel but I want him to know that I am the same person I have always been, so I have to get in a little jab at him.
Now that I have given you a little update I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone. I have no doubt that everyone, even those who have just thought about me helped saved my life. I am absolutely convinced that even in my darkest hour my brain on some level was able to recognize all the good friends that I had around and wanted to get better in order to give me more opportunities to talk to all of these good people. At one point a nurse told Erika about the things I needed in order to get better. She told Erika that I was young, healthy, had never been a smoker, and most importantly that I had a good support system. She said that these are the things that every patient who gets better has.
I would like to take some time to mention that I in no way hold soccer(football for those outside the U.S.) responsible for my injury. It is my hope that everyone learns to love it as much as I do. It would be easy to blame soccer for my injury but soccer has taught me so much that has helped me in my recovery. Soccer has taught me how to be positive, how to work hard in the face of adversity and how to break through seemingly impossible barriers. Not even mentioning all the good people it has allowed me to make friends of. Soccer is the perfect analogy for life in so many ways. You can get better at it by working hard and learning. No matter how good you are, there are times that you need some help from your teammates and I am lucky enough to have some of the best around. Even though it may seem tough and you may be losing, there is always something to be learned. When you get fouled, even if it is not fair, you need to get back up and keep playing.
Go Chelsea!
On a final note, I have decided to use this injury as an opportunity to learn and grow.
I look at it as though there was pre-injury Liam who is now replaced with post-injury Liam. Post-injury Liam is committed to trying how to learn how to be a better person, just for Jonah who expressed some sadness when he asked how I was doing and was told that it looked like I was going to be the same person. His response was, “Oh, so he’s not going to get any better?” Well Jonah, this is for you and from now on shut your trap.
One thing that I have learned so far is that there are always positive occurrences even in negative developments. Some of the good that I have taken comes from a story that my Dad told me. He said that when he was in the hospital he had met a medical team member who was having a bit of a crisis of conscience and was unsure if she wanted to stay in the medical profession. She told my Dad that after seeing my case and the positive way it turned out and how many friends were pulling for me that she had decided to stay and become a doctor. I just thought it was very cool that even though I was unable to talk I was able to help someone with a life decision.
Another positive development is that I feel as though I have had a midlife crisis (although I doubt that 29 is the middle of my life) and can now see the world in a more clear light. In our society it is so easy to become wrapped up in really inconsequential things. I feel very lucky to be reminded that the character of one’s life cannot be judged by possessions but instead by the company one keeps.
Another one of the positive developments was to be reminded of all of my great friendships, including being reminded of the high school friends that still think of me. It is too easy to forget how fortunate I am to have known such a high caliber of people but from now on I promise to do my best not to forget that. This leads me to one of the things about myself that I would like to change and that is not to take any of the people in my life for granted.
Since I am trying to change things in my life, I thought of one last thing you could do for me is try to use my injury as an opportunity to change something in your life that you have always wanted to and to let me know.
And finally the best positive development is that I am going to get to learn how to ride a motorcycle again. Most people don’t even learn the thrill of a motorcycle once but I get that thrill twice in my life. I had ordered a new seat before I got injured but it just arrived last week. Joel helped me put it on the bike and I am so excited to try it out.
I wish the best to everyone reading this and thanks again.
All the best,
Liam
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
HE IS HOME!!!!!
Just a quick note - he came home this evening, a day early, so I got to bring him home and watch a movie on the couch with him! I love it, and we are both so happy that he is home. Out patient therapy will not start for a couple of weeks, so visitor are welcome, and help him with his therapy when you are here! He also has his cell phone back, so you can try to call him, but he may not always be up to talking alot, so please respect that and make calls short, unless he wants to keep talking :) I am out of here for the next couple days, but will post more info later. Thanks dad for installing railings for Liam, thanks Marylyn and Sue for cleaning the house, and thanks Mom for taking care of the dogs:)
Time Travel
I'm sure we can all forgive Erika for getting the date wrong on her last post. She has a lot going on after all. Liam is going home tomorrow, MARCH 26th and not on 2/26/09. If we had access to time travel, I'm sure we would not use it to get Liam discharged from the hospital on 2/26/09, but instead we'd get Doc Brown and Marty McFly to let us borrow the DeLorean and take Liam back to he morning of 2/22/09 and have him sleep past his alarm and piss off the entire team by skipping the game. Writing this post made me realize that I need to go visit Liam at home next week and watch Back to the Future with him, who's with me?
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
DISCHARGE DATE: 2/26/09!!!!!
Liam's coming home Thursday evening!!!! I can't wait, but I'm also bummed because I will be in New Haven visiting Yale.... I am going to miss the big event, the day I have been waiting for. But, I am still so glad he is coming home. Not as glad is he is though;) He can't wait to sit on the couch, sleep in our bed, just relax and not be in the hospital. This does mean I have to clean the house in the next couple nights. For those of you who don't know, Liam is OCD when it comes to cleaning and organizing. Kiea and I aren't quite as good at those things, and the house is not up to his standards right now. For once, I will be excited about the cleaning because it is for him to come home to.
Luckily, Scotty and Sandy will arrive on Friday. Sandy stays through Monday, and Scotty through the 5th. Joel will be around to stay with Liam also while I am gone. Kiea will of course be here in the evenings since she lives here:) Ashley will also get moved in so she can be around to help out. We have so many amazing friends helping all of us out, thanks to everyone!! Once he is home we can start having visitors here also.
He will be doing out patient therapy, we don't have a schedule yet, but it will be a combination of speech, occupational, and physical therapies. He will most likely go in 3 days a week for a number of hours. It will take them a couple weeks to get him into the schedule. In the mean time, they will give him all kinds of exercises (physical and mental) to work on at home and we all need me make sure he does them. So, when you come to visit, come hang out, but also work with him on some of his stuff. Playing easy games is great to, UNO, cards, anything you want to try with him.
Okay, I need a nap. I got a bad cold after Kristen's wedding on Saturday. Yeah Kristen!! It was awesome, thanks to Matt, Joel, Rene, and Dave for staying with Liam so I could be in the wedding without feeling bad. By the way, Liam is fully with it now, and still agrees to marry me :)
Luckily, Scotty and Sandy will arrive on Friday. Sandy stays through Monday, and Scotty through the 5th. Joel will be around to stay with Liam also while I am gone. Kiea will of course be here in the evenings since she lives here:) Ashley will also get moved in so she can be around to help out. We have so many amazing friends helping all of us out, thanks to everyone!! Once he is home we can start having visitors here also.
He will be doing out patient therapy, we don't have a schedule yet, but it will be a combination of speech, occupational, and physical therapies. He will most likely go in 3 days a week for a number of hours. It will take them a couple weeks to get him into the schedule. In the mean time, they will give him all kinds of exercises (physical and mental) to work on at home and we all need me make sure he does them. So, when you come to visit, come hang out, but also work with him on some of his stuff. Playing easy games is great to, UNO, cards, anything you want to try with him.
Okay, I need a nap. I got a bad cold after Kristen's wedding on Saturday. Yeah Kristen!! It was awesome, thanks to Matt, Joel, Rene, and Dave for staying with Liam so I could be in the wedding without feeling bad. By the way, Liam is fully with it now, and still agrees to marry me :)
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Day 27
Mat here, posting for the first time. It's 11:49, Liam crashed about 20 minutes ago, and it's my turn to stay the night. Liam says he gets a little scared to wake up in the middle of the night with nobody around, but really he wants someone here because it's the only way he's allowed to not have the bed belt locking him down all night. Erika will take her first full day away from the hospital tomorrow because she'll have Cristin's wedding activities - congrats, Cristin, and well done, Erika, you deserve the break.
Liam starts OT at 9:45am. This morning his therapist decided it might be a good idea to have him walk down to the cafeteria, get a sense for crowds, and if he did well there, he may be granted a "day out" on Sunday to go watch Magic play in the final (I'll tell you now: he did awesome, and he gets to go to the match on Sunday). So he put on his gait belt - Liam, notice there's a "t" sound on the end of that? - brushed his teeth, and we started our stroll down to the cafeteria. We got to the top of the flight of stairs, moved him over to the right rail so he could use his stronger arm, but I'm not sure he relied it on all that much! He was striding down the steps, just under normal pace, and it surprised us all that he didn't have to do the little kid-style of stepping both feet onto each step. The therapist asked, "Wow, are you sure you're okay to take a full step each time?" Liam's response: "Apparently I am." Nice one. Full flight of stairs: check. After that he weaved the breakfast crowd, Erika holding onto the belt but not aiding, and Liam commented on only one guy in the whole cafeteria, the guy wearing the motorcycle shirt. "Check out the Harley guy." He's warming up to the idea of me exercising the Buell until he can ride again, then made a joke about strapping the "gait" belt around both of us and sitting on back while I rode.
I took off to work, but Erika said in the early afternoon they (therapist included) took Liam for a walk outside. He read a map, walked them a few blocks away to Boren, read the map again, and walked them all the way back to the hospital. He also wrote in his journal - right handed still because he doesn't have the dexterity in the left hand/arm yet. Let's just say I could read "Liam and Erika," but he's got nothing on my 5 year-old niece...yet. I'm sure his writing will progress right along with everything else and be back to normal in no time.
The evening hours saw some usual suspects (Frank, Erika, Joel, Dave from AZ, Ashley and the Mooses). Liam is pretty chuffed to have all his friends come by, so if you've wanted to stop in but aren't sure about when/how, call someone who is sure and come along for the ride. He'd love to have another target around to poke fun at for a little while. Everything considered, things are great. He still thinks I put him in my truck, snuck him out of here for a drive across the bridge at Vantage, and then brought him back, but he's come to just believe me when I tell him it never happened. Time to crash out now. We can't say enough thanks to all of you for all of your support, cards, prayers, emails, pictures and visits - it's all going to help get our boy get out of here and home just that much sooner.
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